It's been a month since I was abducted. One month of looking at myself, looking at my edges and seeing where they are in relation to everything else. When I took off for this trip I set out to be vulnerable, to be soft and loving, accepting and compassionate. Balance was on my mind, harmony with my surroundings and a deep knowledge of myself. Armor in the form of strength and stubborness wouldn't serve me, so I left it at home. I set out to change myself, and that is exactly what I did.
Thrashing, convulsing, twitching movements. My head flings from side to side, eyes wide looking all around. My jaw is locked open biting at something huge in the air, throat long, gurgling, grunting, sobbing, they all pour out without effort. I gasp, I spit, I clench down and growl. There is an immensity to this, some kind of endless openness; raw, red, black, slimy, and sharp. My ribs feel like they could crack open, shattering out of my body like they would prove the existence of my emotions. The ephemeral nature of emotions, their intangibility, is nullified in this experience. Everything is visible. Everything has weight and color. My three selves, the physical, mental, and spiritual get dressed with me in the morning. We are all here, taking up space, using three seats on the subway, using up more of your resources. But we do it to unite. We do it to heal. We do it to teach. And we do it with respect to ourselves. I breathe out deeply, letting my chest wheeze as it contracts to that point where there is nothing left.
When I breathe in I get flooded with knowledge, flooded with lightness. Everything makes sense and I feel giddy. I drive down the road and pull over to stand in a puddle and look at the sun set. I can feel my face curling up into a giant smile. Laughing, head thrown back, hair whipping around in the wind, feet frozen in the cold spring water, I am experiencing the pureness of living. The sun drops in the sky turning into that red-orange color tinged with gold. It reflects in the water that has poured out into the field. The swollen lake, full with the rain waters of the spring, glistens and mimics the setting sun. We all reflect what we see. We all mimic what's around us it tells me. If you see the beauty and truth in yourself and act from that place, play with the world from that place, you will show someone the beauty and truth about themselves. You will change the world.
There's a muted thoomp thoomp thoomp in my ears. I listen to it and can suddenly feel it pulsing in every part of my body. It's the sound of my own blood pumping through my veins, the ebb and flow of my own inner world. I feel the growing ball of desire exploding from my chest to let go, purge, create, transform, take back, and flow like a river through my soul. This is my journey. This is my life. Swallowed up in flames, born again into the stars; into the light of the full moon rising over a desert in Mexico.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Saturday, March 6, 2010
El Secuestro
I will write a short description in spanish first for all of my friends who have not been informed because it has all been in english.
Primero, quiero que sepan que estoy bien de veras. Hace unos dias yo fui secuestrada en Pozo de Gamboa, Zacatecas. Me interceptaron dos hombres en un camioneta y se les echaron la bici detras y yo adentro. Me cubrieron la cara con mi bufanda y me dijeron que iban a matar me y que querrian dinero. Yo estuve tranquila, no llore, no grite, nada y eso me ayudo muchisimo. Fuimos a un camino de terraceria y se prendieron una fogata y se les tiraron todas de mis cosas en el alumbre. Se quemaron todo. Me preguntaban por el nip de mi tarjeta de credito, y se les di. Me quitaban de mis pants y uno intento a violar me, pero le dije que tengo sida (no es cierto) y me dejo. Fuimos a un lugar en el desierto y quedo el alto con migo mientras se fue el chaparro para sacar dinero de un cajero automatico. En el desierto el alto me dijo su nombre, donde vive, y que tiene 2 hijos y una esposa. Es lo persona mas estupido que he encontrado. Despues de una hora y media, el alto se prendio una fogata para el frio y me dejo. No me dijo nada, solo se fue. Yo pense, pues ahora es EL momento para irme, y yo fui caminando hasta pozo de gamboa para buscar ayuda. Encontre algunas personas y una me presto su telefono para marcar a mis padres y un espacio en su casa. En la mañana me llevo a la policia, y yo estuve con ellos y con migracion por mas que 30 horas. Ahora estoy con unps amigos mientras espero para mi vuelo a los estados. Y si tienes preguntas o quieres mas de la historia, manda me un mensaje y te cuento todo.
Ok, so here´s what happened: First you all should know that I´m totally fine and that I´m also very safe. A few days ago I was riding from Villa Santo Domingo in San Luis Potosi to the city of Zacatecas in the state of Zacatecas. I was about 20 kilometers from the city and I had been riding all day, some 9 hours or so. I stopped to take some photos at the bottom of a hill, Zacatecas is really fucking gorgeous, and a truck pulled up in front of my bike. Two guys got out and grabbed my bike, threw it in the back of the truck, and threw me in the front. I had managed to grab my gps and press the 911 button before they took me, which was a pretty lucky thing. They covered my face with my scarf and shoved my head down so no one could see me in the truck. They told me they wanted money, that they didn´t want me to say anything at all, and that they would kill me if I didn´t cooperate. I stayed totally calm, I didn´t cry or scream and that helped me out a lot. One of the guys put the gps on the dashboard thinking it was a camera (what luck) until he inspected it further and figured out it was a satellite transmitter and that the cops were coming. He threw it out the window and we headed down a dirt road. They hopped out of the truck and searched me for money, asked me where my wallet was and how much money I had in it. I had about 170 pesos, that´s like 15 dollars, not much. They pulled off my shorts to rape me, but I told them I had aids (not true) and they decided it was a bad idea after a little while of arguing and my convincing them. They lit a fire and threw all my stuff in it. They burned everything except the bike and my wallet which had my passport, and bank cards in it. I gave them my pin number and told them how to take money out of an atm, but they were the stupidest people I have ever met and weren´t able to do it. We left the fire and they drove me into the desert where the tall one stayed with me and the short one went into town to try and get the money. He led me through the desert by my hand while I was pantsless and running into every cactus that we went by. We sat under a tree and I introduced myself, asked him who he was, talked about the stars, and smoked a cigarette. He told me his name, where he lives, and that he has 2 kids and a wife. Stupid fucker. After an hour and a half or so of waiting for the other guy to get back, he asked me if I was cold and I said yes. He lit a fire, and he walked away. He didn´t say anything to me. I waited and called out to him to make sure he was gone. So after a few minutes I got up and started walking over the hill to see where I was. I walked through a field and saw some lights of a town wich turned out to be Pozo de Gamboa. I wandered into town half naked but wrapped in a blanket that the guy had left for me and started to knock on doors asking for help. Everyone told me to go away, but I kept on walking and knocking. Some people walked by and shined a flashlight in my face asking me what I was doing sitting on the doorstep of a house that wasn´t mine. I told them to go away, it was a group of about 5 men and one woman. I didn´t feel like dealing with any more men. But they didn´t go away, and they softened up a bit so I told them my story and that I needed help. One of them let me use his phone to call my parents, and then he offered me a spot in his house for the night. He was a totally nice person and I stayed there with his daughter. In the morning he brought me to the police station where I stayed filling out paperwork and being shoved around from one office to the other until I was brought to immigration. I was in some stupid office for more than 30 hours and it was pretty frustrating and aweful to be stuck after being kidnapped. They wouldn´t let me go outside, and really all I wanted to do was sit in the sun and relax. Anyway, so after all of this I actually have a pretty positive outlook on the whole thing, and I´m staying with some incredible friends that are taking care of me. This has been an amazing adventure and I have met some seriously awesome people and seen some incredible things. It´s just too bad I can´t share the rest of my photos with you, Zacatecas is beautiful. Take my word for it. I have left out some details and some drama and if you´d like to know it send me a message and I´ll fill you in. It makes a better verbal story than a written one, well really I just don´t have the energy to write it all. Maybe some day. I´ll see you all in the coming week. Adios.
Primero, quiero que sepan que estoy bien de veras. Hace unos dias yo fui secuestrada en Pozo de Gamboa, Zacatecas. Me interceptaron dos hombres en un camioneta y se les echaron la bici detras y yo adentro. Me cubrieron la cara con mi bufanda y me dijeron que iban a matar me y que querrian dinero. Yo estuve tranquila, no llore, no grite, nada y eso me ayudo muchisimo. Fuimos a un camino de terraceria y se prendieron una fogata y se les tiraron todas de mis cosas en el alumbre. Se quemaron todo. Me preguntaban por el nip de mi tarjeta de credito, y se les di. Me quitaban de mis pants y uno intento a violar me, pero le dije que tengo sida (no es cierto) y me dejo. Fuimos a un lugar en el desierto y quedo el alto con migo mientras se fue el chaparro para sacar dinero de un cajero automatico. En el desierto el alto me dijo su nombre, donde vive, y que tiene 2 hijos y una esposa. Es lo persona mas estupido que he encontrado. Despues de una hora y media, el alto se prendio una fogata para el frio y me dejo. No me dijo nada, solo se fue. Yo pense, pues ahora es EL momento para irme, y yo fui caminando hasta pozo de gamboa para buscar ayuda. Encontre algunas personas y una me presto su telefono para marcar a mis padres y un espacio en su casa. En la mañana me llevo a la policia, y yo estuve con ellos y con migracion por mas que 30 horas. Ahora estoy con unps amigos mientras espero para mi vuelo a los estados. Y si tienes preguntas o quieres mas de la historia, manda me un mensaje y te cuento todo.
Ok, so here´s what happened: First you all should know that I´m totally fine and that I´m also very safe. A few days ago I was riding from Villa Santo Domingo in San Luis Potosi to the city of Zacatecas in the state of Zacatecas. I was about 20 kilometers from the city and I had been riding all day, some 9 hours or so. I stopped to take some photos at the bottom of a hill, Zacatecas is really fucking gorgeous, and a truck pulled up in front of my bike. Two guys got out and grabbed my bike, threw it in the back of the truck, and threw me in the front. I had managed to grab my gps and press the 911 button before they took me, which was a pretty lucky thing. They covered my face with my scarf and shoved my head down so no one could see me in the truck. They told me they wanted money, that they didn´t want me to say anything at all, and that they would kill me if I didn´t cooperate. I stayed totally calm, I didn´t cry or scream and that helped me out a lot. One of the guys put the gps on the dashboard thinking it was a camera (what luck) until he inspected it further and figured out it was a satellite transmitter and that the cops were coming. He threw it out the window and we headed down a dirt road. They hopped out of the truck and searched me for money, asked me where my wallet was and how much money I had in it. I had about 170 pesos, that´s like 15 dollars, not much. They pulled off my shorts to rape me, but I told them I had aids (not true) and they decided it was a bad idea after a little while of arguing and my convincing them. They lit a fire and threw all my stuff in it. They burned everything except the bike and my wallet which had my passport, and bank cards in it. I gave them my pin number and told them how to take money out of an atm, but they were the stupidest people I have ever met and weren´t able to do it. We left the fire and they drove me into the desert where the tall one stayed with me and the short one went into town to try and get the money. He led me through the desert by my hand while I was pantsless and running into every cactus that we went by. We sat under a tree and I introduced myself, asked him who he was, talked about the stars, and smoked a cigarette. He told me his name, where he lives, and that he has 2 kids and a wife. Stupid fucker. After an hour and a half or so of waiting for the other guy to get back, he asked me if I was cold and I said yes. He lit a fire, and he walked away. He didn´t say anything to me. I waited and called out to him to make sure he was gone. So after a few minutes I got up and started walking over the hill to see where I was. I walked through a field and saw some lights of a town wich turned out to be Pozo de Gamboa. I wandered into town half naked but wrapped in a blanket that the guy had left for me and started to knock on doors asking for help. Everyone told me to go away, but I kept on walking and knocking. Some people walked by and shined a flashlight in my face asking me what I was doing sitting on the doorstep of a house that wasn´t mine. I told them to go away, it was a group of about 5 men and one woman. I didn´t feel like dealing with any more men. But they didn´t go away, and they softened up a bit so I told them my story and that I needed help. One of them let me use his phone to call my parents, and then he offered me a spot in his house for the night. He was a totally nice person and I stayed there with his daughter. In the morning he brought me to the police station where I stayed filling out paperwork and being shoved around from one office to the other until I was brought to immigration. I was in some stupid office for more than 30 hours and it was pretty frustrating and aweful to be stuck after being kidnapped. They wouldn´t let me go outside, and really all I wanted to do was sit in the sun and relax. Anyway, so after all of this I actually have a pretty positive outlook on the whole thing, and I´m staying with some incredible friends that are taking care of me. This has been an amazing adventure and I have met some seriously awesome people and seen some incredible things. It´s just too bad I can´t share the rest of my photos with you, Zacatecas is beautiful. Take my word for it. I have left out some details and some drama and if you´d like to know it send me a message and I´ll fill you in. It makes a better verbal story than a written one, well really I just don´t have the energy to write it all. Maybe some day. I´ll see you all in the coming week. Adios.
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